Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize