If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
