Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
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