I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
