They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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