STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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