Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Found the puke drawer
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
