You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
