I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
