I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
