you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
This is classic penis vs brain.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
