Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
