The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
