ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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