so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
