Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
