Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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