if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
