She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
