Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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