if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
It was confusing and full of hummus
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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