You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
it was like eating out sand paper
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
