The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
