Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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