the new term for farting is butt boxing.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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