wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
