cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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