they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You're breaking my sexual little heart
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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