The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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