Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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