he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
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