He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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