did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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