im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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