My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
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