this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
