During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
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