rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
