So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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