Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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