spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
