He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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