i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
