Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
