My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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