sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
