I have demons in me.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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