I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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