..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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