I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
