And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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