My first STD was from a foam party
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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