Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
