Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
