bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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