You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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