I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
