I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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