my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
