I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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