i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
