I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
