I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
