did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
