You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
