At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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