True but thats because hes a fetus.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
