Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
