the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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