If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
