woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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