When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Randomize
