I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Randomize
