I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
