I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
