Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
