remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
