I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
