Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
