I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We're using joints as your birthday candles
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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