Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
