Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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