why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
